Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize