Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
