I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
