Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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