I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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