So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize