I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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