I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
