I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
