shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
