I can text with my tongue
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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