so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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