The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
