new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize