the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
