My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
