I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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