So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize