Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
