I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
where does the pee come out of this thing
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
