He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
