My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
