i can't believe i had my finger in that
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Four minutes until I can fart!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
