I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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