HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
