I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
