True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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