She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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