she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
