I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Pooping to opera.
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