We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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