TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
