She said her name was "party"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
