I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
