I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
