I skipped work to stalk him.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize