she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
