he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone came in the potted fern
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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