Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
