So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize