party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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