he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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