Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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