Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
