i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
