i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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