he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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