Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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