just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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