you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
