Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
