It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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