I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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