do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
