Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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