This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
