Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
