Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize