You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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