I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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