i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
