she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
