I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
