genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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