I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
