The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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