i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize