I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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