Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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