WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize