i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
