I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
