I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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