Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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