I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
