Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
