Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
