Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
