just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
