He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
