There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize