I showed him my bush... on skype.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
