"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
