that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
