I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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