My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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