love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
