so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
