Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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