Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
