ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
