I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
