porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize