Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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