so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
