the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
