This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
