well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
