my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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