Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize