Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
