I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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